Toxic Relationships: Learning to Let Go
By Andy J. Salgado
Relationships can be one of the many life-enhancing and humanist experiences we could ever undertake. A beautiful romance, a fruitful friendship, a family bond are the seeds that allow us to experience life fully. These relationships can last for a season or a lifetime; however, when do you know when it is time let go of a relationship? Here are three ways of determining when you know it is time to let go.
NOT when the person has betrayed you, but when YOU have betrayed yourself.
I believe it is time to let go of any relationship dynamic when you realize you have betrayed yourself. When there are moments that stray you from being the most authentic version of yourself. These moments of betrayal may occur through giving too much of yourself, feeling as if you deserve more from this a relationship, feeling as if your partner or friend brings you down, or realizing that the person has changed your behavior for the worst. You know you are betraying yourself when your feelings of insecurity, distrust, and fear begin kicking in perpetually. If you realize that your thoughts, feelings, and actions are no longer in alignment with an authentic and honest relationship, then it is time to let go. Do not betray your beliefs and yourself by masking the reality, it is time to let go.
You Live In Worry
If you are living in worry it means there is a deeper-rooted cause, trust. If you live in worry it’s due to lack of trust in the relationship, which can if the two parties are willing to talk about it, be reinforced. Yet, if reasons to not trust become apparent periodically and you begin to worry, it is time to let go of this relationship. If your worries are occupying your mind in a way that inhibits you, your actions, beliefs, thoughts, and opinions, then it is time to acknowledge the root of it all. Possibly, you may have trust issues, which in turn is the self-work you must do yourself. Therefore, before entering a relationship remove the old limiting beliefs and worries and heal your old wounds to minimize your lack of trust that is due to past negative experiences. If the distrust and worry are due to the actions of your partner or friend, it is time to let go of the toxicity of constant worrying and living in fear.
If the relationship is beginning to show warning signs of the person possibly becoming physical with you or even attempting to restrain you physically, it is time to let go, and most importantly seek help if need be. The main reason as to why a person stays in a physically abusive relationship is their belief in lack of self-worth. If your partner, family member, or friend is becoming physical during arguments, possibly irrational, or any other form of physical abuse, it is time to let go of the relationship rapidly and distance yourself from such a negative environment.
Strength Is You
The hardest part of letting go of a toxic relationship is accepting why and not waiting for the “when.”. There is no clear moment that you declare your independence of the toxic relationship, other than the moment you decide that you do not desire that kind of negative energy in your life. Do not betray yourself by masking the knowledge that you must leave whatever toxic relationship you may be in. The strength is within you.